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拾遗
我的赎身趣闻

我真的每天最牵挂的事就是他的离职进度，希望公司拖拖他，让他从痛苦中孕育作品。

Heresy
/拾遗/ / 534 阅读

1 赞

拾遗
2021年弱智吧上半年精选

1、人是铁饭是钢，食人族酋长望着逃走的俘虏恨铁不成钢2、B疑惑地问β，“你是啥b3、燕子叽叽喳喳叫个不停，“咏春？“叶问。4、卑鄙是卑鄙者的前两个字，高尚...

Heresy
/拾遗/ / 893 阅读

3 赞

原创00710清晨射在你脸上的不一定是阳光
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 4.3k 阅读/

同事突然心血来潮，动手做了一块牌子，上面写着几个大字：欢迎扇耳光，仅限美女！一耳光100元！弄好后，兴冲冲的扛着去街上了……这真的是一个来Q快的好办法！才...

原创00704幼儿园的性启蒙教育还是很有爱
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 2k 阅读/ 1 赞

在工厂做机械修理的时间，主管让我带他刚辍学的侄子！带他的第一天，我给他说:下班别走，我俩要调机！！……半个小时主管找到我:让你带下我侄子，你还要他请你“瓢...

原创00701衣服买小了怎么办
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.9k 阅读/

小吴科二考挂了。。。可今天早上听说她男友在闹分手，几个同事都问怎么回事，考个驾照没过还可以重考的，不至于分手吧？小吴低声说：也就是路考时，对面突然过来一辆...

原创00630高素质的人都在黄网
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 2.1k 阅读/

易小川穿越时空回到大秦化身秦将蒙毅，为回到现代，于六十年之后寻到紫竹林，欲借时空宝盒回到2010年。时空宝盒钥匙由五行者世世代代守护，最后关头易小川放弃了...

原创00627这样的条件你去接盘吗？
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.5k 阅读/ 2 赞

这个夏天热的可以，家里没空调只有风扇，晚上热的不行只好 裸 睡，第二天醒来发现150多只蚊子给我点赞了，而且还发了 红 包。狗东西吃午饭的时候，老板抱着一...

拾遗
三体•儿父森林

　　我有一个超能力，就是可以当别人的儿子，起初，这个能力的作用范围很小，只能在寝室使用，例如:“帮我带个饭，我懒得下楼了。”“滚。”“爸爸！”“你吃什么？...

Heresy
/拾遗/ / 997 阅读

原创00626美女张开腿，牛都受不了
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 17w 阅读/

侄子开学前在家吃饭可懒了，总是让人督促才行，幼儿园开学后自己吃饭变得很积极，每次老师发视频都看到他大口吃饭大口吃菜。我问侄子是不是幼儿园的饭菜比家里好吃​...

原创00625洗剪10元，吹500元。
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.7k 阅读/

昨天中五给儿子喂西瓜（儿子一岁），他吃得太快，在喉咙卡住了！说实话，我不太担心，西瓜软的，哭哭就下去了！！可老婆不行，抓着我就是一顿大骂，没办法就用食指在...

原创00624女装大佬来了，你给谁打call
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.1k 阅读/

昨晚几个初中同学一起喝茶，个个都叫苦，说带孙子孙女累，不带又不行，整个过程我一言不发，就是喝茶！！……他们相互显摆完了后，其中一个问我:正哥，你一句话都不...

原创00623哈哈哈，开车了
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 847 阅读/

老婆说她的初中同学岁数都比我小，但是个个都有车有房有票子，问我有什么？我脱口而出：我有病！要不然，怎么会娶你当老婆！！看到老婆脸色一变，我立马跳起来，往外...

原创00622性，永远是迷人的
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.1k 阅读/

一哥们失恋，痛不欲生，开解多次，仍然效果甚微！无奈之下，建议他去练瑜伽。一个月后，他来约我吃饭，看他没那么消沉了，但脸色苍白，我调侃道：还想着她？他喃喃的...

原创00619至今单身的原因找到了！ ​​​
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 825 阅读/

重要通知：各位谁在5月份找我谈恋爱，六月份我就能去给你家割麦子，九月份帮你家掰玉米，不要心疼我，我农村长大的，干活猛得很。掀起大海的一角~”1/1000 ...

00618这种女孩子到底图我什么?
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.2k 阅读/

就这样的天气请大家别叫我单身狗了，请叫我热狗吧时代变了舅子两口子吵架，老婆对舅子老婆说:妹啊，你比我好，你们吵架，我弟弟处处让着你，我吵架，姐夫抓着我就打...

原创00617人生有许多必须，其中就有必须坚强
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 848 阅读/

夜跑，发现前方有个阴井盖，不翼而飞！我赶紧快步上前查看，却不慎与路边一老大爷撞了个满怀！大爷说我故意找茬，扬言找人收拾我。他眼神不大好，一步步向前走！我怕...

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Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1k 阅读/

带着儿子在我老爸家吃饭，老爸很感兴趣的问我儿子：你说说，你有什么理想？儿子说：我的理想很简单，做一个安安静静的富，二，代！​老爸挥手说：这个理想实现不了！...

福利
原创00615今天是昭和风味美眉

我放下镶满钻石的银烛台，打开小金库，抓起一块金砖，咔嚓咔嚓，几下子就嚼碎咽下去了……一连吃了八块，才勉强吃出了一点味道，类似于压缩饼干那种，还有点粘牙。我...

Heresy
/福利/ / 739 阅读

原创00614男朋友和女朋友的用处
Heresy
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闺女放学又拉着我打羽毛球，打了半个多小时，这孩子开始起高调。非要一局五毛钱的。嘿我这暴脾气！在赢了她五块钱之后她来了这么句话：我算看出来了，就因为五毛钱你...

原创00613别怕鸭，有我
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 819 阅读/

鼻炎犯了，难受得很，头痛得我躺在沙发上哼哼，老妈看了心疼，说给我找了点药，她给我滴点药。没一会，鼻子里就被滴入了点药水，清清凉凉的，还挺舒服，我问老妈哪买...

原创00612警告！你已进入艳遇频发地区
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.1k 阅读/

跟老婆处朋友的时候，刚参加工作。咯咯咯……有一次单位节日聚餐，坐下不久，发现老婆她们单位也聚餐，都订在一个饭店，桌子离得不远。老婆没事总瞄我，弄的我喝酒的...

原创00611老公，我也要
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 863 阅读/

那次和堂哥一起逛超市，堂哥去试衣服时，我走到一个推销小吃的摊档前。那个挺漂亮的推销员小姐，送了我一包尝尝，还给我一张卡片，要我填写试吃体验。要填手机号码时...

原创00610嫌疑人有充分不在场的证明
Heresy
/ 拾遗 / / 685 阅读/

陪女朋友去买衣服！女朋友看上了一件高档风衣，要3000块，穿上试过来试过去，挺不错，但是价格也太贵了吧！必须制止她太败家了！我得想个办法让她赶紧离开这家店...

原创00609如果知识可以通过性传播就好了
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 973 阅读/

和网恋女友终于奔现脱单了，晚上陪女友看电影的时候哥们突然发信息过来说:你真的不爱我了吗？你知道我有多爱你吗？你太狠心了。。。正在陪女友看电影的我信息都懒的...

原创00608摆摊怎能少的了武大郎炊饼
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.8k 阅读/ 1 赞

受疫 情影响，同学赋闲在农村老家。闲聊的时候我随口问他了一句：​地种的咋样了？收成还行吗？同学淡淡的回应了一句：“还行吧，大夫说是双胞胎…不出意外的话，年...

原创00607煎和熬都是变美味的方法，加油也是
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 821 阅读/

小姨昨晚说给我介绍一对象，今天要带来家里看看！老妈特别开心，叨咕着，能不能嫁出去就看这一个了……这不，一大早上，跟着老妈去市场买菜，我拉着小车跟在老妈后面...

原创00606野战归来
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 1.1k 阅读/

带儿子去逛商场买玩具，许久没逛，儿子在商场里疯 跑啊，突然儿子在不远处喊到:爸爸快来看呀，看这是怎么回事？我以为儿子又发现什么好玩的玩具了，边走过去边说:...

拾遗
我是如何被杠精逼疯的

朋友，互联网上冲浪，前车之鉴，懂？掌握这套滴水不漏话术从此妈妈再也不担心你说错话了平平安安冲浪去高高兴兴把家还大家看懂了吗？想要在互联网上发言不被骂，只要...

Heresy
/拾遗/ / 701 阅读

1 赞

原创00604你也配叫舔狗吗？
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 969 阅读/

老公休假这几天，一向活泼的侄子一反常态的扭捏，吃饭少，话少，白天老说困。前天因为玩手机还撒谎，被老公狠揍了一顿，下午吃饭就正常了，神态也恢复了。我说他，终...

00603明星分手为什么要公开宣布？
Heresy
/ 福利 / / 737 阅读/

洗衣服，到处找搓衣板不见，怀疑是老公搞的鬼，就去审问他，结果他死活不承认。最后儿子主动招了，说是见他爸爸跪得太辛苦，就把搓衣板扔毛 坑里了！！老公一听，当...

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