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00630高素质的人都在黄网
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00630高素质的人都在黄网

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易小川穿越时空回到大秦化身秦将蒙毅,为回到现代,于六十年之后寻到紫竹林,欲借时空宝盒回到2010年。

时空宝盒钥匙由五行者世世代代守护,最后关头易小川放弃了穿越,于是五行者一直守护时空宝盒至今……等待着来开启他的人。

这里给大家说个秘密,我是五行者之一,最近爱上了一个姑娘,这可是延续使命的根源,可对方要彩礼二十万怎么办?大家集资一下吧!--


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真香


在店里,儿子遇见了来买文具的同学,说了几句话——男孩子好像都有这个毛病,说说话就开始吹牛了。
说来说去, 我儿子一时词穷,指着中间的货架说:看见没,这些笔将来都是我的!
沃特?我该脱袍让位了?--


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“独立思考&换位思考”


中午在食堂吃午饭的时候,刚好和厂长坐在一起,为了活跃气氛,我就讲了两个笑话。

厂长果然被我逗笑了,噗~的一声,把他刚扒进嘴里的饭全喷在我碗里了。。。

大家都放下了碗筷,扭头看我。
就在我在考虑是不是不要了的时间,厂长带的二哈跳起来把我的饭吃了!……

谢天谢地啊,谢天谢地!!!……我站起来,朝着二哈,一躬到地。。。--


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端午节过后


我是蜘蛛,爱上了一只白天鹅!她每天都去河边戏水,我决定捕获她!
我织了弥天大网,半空中撒下将她擒拿!
被束缚住的天鹅不断哀鸣!我想安抚她,她却转身带着网一起沉入河中,死了!
我织网捉她,有错吗?我爱她呀!
想起天鹅死前惊恐的目光,我记得天鹅也叫“鸿鹄”,于是悲伤地唱起:
早知惊鸿一场,何必情深一网,昨日……--


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昨天吃完晚饭出去遛弯溜远了,回来时打不着车。我觉得累,让老公拉着我走,闺女蹦蹦跳跳在前面,一会她回头说,爸爸!你手机给我拍个照呗!我:切~你要发圈啊?
闺女喜笑颜开说:“我拍照给爷爷看。爸爸拉着你的样子,跟爷爷拉着家里吃饱了不想走路的大黄牛是一模一样的!”--


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在高速边的业主们的心声


昨儿个一商家向我推销“净水器”,我嘴贱地地来一句:免费不?免费我就要一台!
商家:安装免费!厄………--


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给我康康


5.20那天,相恋了三年的女朋友正式向我提出了分手,说我一直不跟她结婚,再这样下去,她这颗小白菜就老了,猪都拱不动了。

​我说了半天好话,女朋友就是听不进去。我急了,拉着她的袖子说:别拉我!我去跳铁路桥,让你后悔一辈子!
这货竟然拍着手说:好啊好啊!我正愁我的直播不刺激,吸引不了观众呢!……

她招手拦下一辆的士,钳着我的膀子往车上拖。我上半身都被她拖进去了,只好双手死死抓住车门,拚命抗拒!
司机不耐烦了,打开车门跳下来,大力一脚踢在我皮 股上,把我踢进车里,关上车门,开着就跑。……

​她伸 …--


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厉害


早上急着去市里参加学校举办的六一儿童节,车开得有点急。在一处十字路口,本来绿灯还有5秒,我开过去稳稳的!只是前车不知咋回事竟然来个急刹车,呯的一声!我把前车后尾箱直接撞凹了!前面车子下车来是位大姐,惊慌失措的看着相撞的地方……
我急着去学校就说大姐私了吧,你开个价,这也就千把块的事,赔1000块,行不?大姐点了点头!我正准备拿手机转账给她,大姐却塞了一把钱给我,说是就剩这么多了,不好意思啊!这时正好又绿灯了,她上车开了就走……
留下我一脸蒙圈!随后我扶起我的电动自行车,咱国产的自行车质量就是棒棒 …--


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早上带儿子下楼玩,大老远就看到各种健身器械都有人在玩,儿子跑到一个健 骑 机旁边,跟上面的小姐姐说了几句话,那个小姐姐看了我一眼,就笑着下来了,儿子忙招手叫我过去,我走过去一个劲地给人道谢,并批评儿子,儿子拉着我坐上去,开心地说:没事啦,我跟姐姐说了,她这么瘦,不适合玩这个,这个是给大胖子减肥的!适合妈妈你玩!

旁边的小姐姐笑的花 枝 乱 颤…--


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素质高的人都在黄网


科目三挂了三次,教练对我的态度直线下降,问他点事都是鼻孔朝天,最近突然又是发消息又是打电话的关心我啥时候预约,啥时候考试!我嘲讽他:“无事献殷勤,非奸即盗,说吧,有啥事!”教练特别客气:“你看你,想哪去了,这不是我媳妇在家无聊,在驾校里开了个鸡排店,你多来练车,我给你多安排几趟,饿了渴了都有地方消费……”


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好白菜都让猪拱了


初中那会,午休时趴桌子上装睡,觉得憋屈,把腿放过道里。
好巧不巧,班主任检查午休情况,经过时正好被我绊了个大马趴。
我的第一反应立马就把腿收了回来,接着想,不对啊,此刻最好的应对应该是继续装睡,当做啥也不知道,于是又把腿伸了出去。
这时后面传来校长的声音,咋滴,绊了你们班主任不够,还想再绊我一下。--


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众神庇护


每个懵懂少年的心中都有一个唯美的维纳斯,我也一样!
上周末,她来长沙出差,给我电话,说有时间一起喝个茶!!

有的人,相见不如怀恋!
看着对面一脸横肉,最少一百六的她,我的心瞬间就碎了……--


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伊朗逮捕特朗普


哥们小张平时干工地一个月一万多,很能 吃苦耐劳!
但最近听说他身体生 病 住院了!
好哥们一场,人之常情,我得去看看他,于是我买了两箱礼品去看望他!
到了医院,我看着面容憔悴的他,得知还要住近半个月院,安慰道:哥们,老 天 看你太累了,让你好好歇歇来着!
小张微微一笑:义哥,你现在工作怎么样?
我:太累了,最近天天加班,每天都上班13个小时!
小张:那你太累了,也该歇歇了!
我……--


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原创文章,作者:Heresy,如若转载,请注明出处:https://here.sy/216.html
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