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三体•儿父森林

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  我有一个超能力,就是可以当别人的儿子,起初,这个能力的作用范围很小,只能在寝室使用,例如:

“帮我带个饭,我懒得下楼了。”

“滚。”

“爸爸!”

“你吃什么?”

当我挂科的时候也尝试使用了这个能力,但那个老师说我是一个成年人了,要懂得自尊和自爱,这是我第一次为自己能力的不足感到懊恼,竟然会有人拒绝当我的爸爸,但后来我才发现,这件事儿另有隐情。

失败是成功之母,天道酬勤,乐战不急,认识到自己的不足之后,我练习的更加刻苦了,这个超能力愈发强大,几乎可以用在我生活里的各个方面,例如当我网购的时候,叫一句爸爸能省掉很多运费。可惜这个超能力只能对男性使用,但我爸例外,当我叫他爸爸的时候他毫无反应,这在医学上叫做免疫疗法,当他被我叫了足够多的爸爸,他就不是我的爸爸了。

虽然只能叫男性爸爸,但这并不代表我对女生就没有办法,我只需要拿出当红男星的照片叫一声爸爸,她们就会成为我的妈妈,或者说拿出马云的照片叫一声爸爸,那样我们就都是兄弟姐妹了。

很多人都不敢生孩子,因为害怕自己不是一个合格的父亲,于是我就办了一个父亲培训机构,让他们先体验一下做父亲的感觉,并为那些做的不错的爸爸颁发合格证,现在它在婚介市场的地位已经跟房产证和学位证是一个级别。

后来,我也成为了一个爸爸,生了一个儿子,一家人开始度过幸福的时光,但是好景不长,竟然有外星人入侵了地球。

他们的科技非常领先,地球防卫军节节败退,大决战失败的那一夜,总司令敲响了我家的门,告诉我我就是地球最后的底牌了,我毅然決然的点了点头,走到了外星人的飞船前,大声叫起了他们爸爸。

可半天他们都无动于衷,过了很久,舱门才缓缓打开,走出来一个外星人,我看他有几分眼熟,他看到我后,微微一笑,变成了我的大学老师。

原来,每个星球都会有一个自己的能力者,而他的能力就是能伪装成其它星球的人。他们对地球的资源早就垂涎已久,但忌惮于地球还有一个未知的能力者,所以他就先潜入地球,开始调查,直到发现了我,在确定我的能力无法跨物种,跨性别使用后,就开始了大举入。他让我回去告诉总司令,我们人类要么投降,要么死亡。

我微微叹气,看来,只能使用秘密武器了,我大声喊了一句:"儿子!

他大惊失色:“莫非你还藏了一手?可以跨物种让别人变成你的儿子?"

我说没有,我只是叫一下我的儿子,我儿子连忙从不远处的一个石头后面跑了过来,我看了眼儿子,看了眼他,又看了眼浩瀚的星空:“你有没有想过,我叫我儿子一声爸爸,会发生什么?"

他愣了愣,神情变得凝重起来

我继续补充道:“你知道,我的能力是可以改变物质的,我叫我儿子一声爸爸,他就会变成我的爸爸,那他就成了自己的爷爷,但一个人不能既是自己的孙子,又是自己的爷爷,他就会进入爷孙坍缩态,逻辑和规则会在他身上慢慢崩坏,而他自身又始终无法产生逻辑闭环,不能自洽,所以这个崩坏和运动会一直持续,物质的运动会产生能量,运动是永恒,能量的递增也是永恒的,直到超越了宇宙承载的极限,最后boom的一声,你,我,地球,宇宙都会消失。”

他看了眼我的儿子,表情充满了恐惧,回身就向飞船跑去,我说等等,放你们走可以,但你要答应我两个要求。

他呆住了脚步,问我是什么?

我:帮我通知全宇宙我的战略爹威慑,让他们失去入侵地球的想法。

他问第二个呢

我:叫我一声儿子,我不允许有人拒绝当我的爸爸,这是对我的羞辱。

后来,地球就再一次进入了宁静平和,并开始于宇宙各星球接触,在获得了足够多的科技与资源补给的情况下,我们签署了不率先使用我儿子的承诺书。我也被地球人民感激与崇拜,并被他们尊称为

“地球叫父”

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