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00622性,永远是迷人的
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00622性,永远是迷人的

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一哥们失恋,痛不欲生,开解多次,仍然效果甚微!

无奈之下,建议他去练瑜伽。

一个月后,他来约我吃饭,看他没那么消沉了,但脸色苍白,我调侃道:还想着她?

他喃喃的说:其实我做得比她还好!

说完他弯腰做了个高难度动作……

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当众批斗开始


疫 情期间,在网上学习纯天然手工饼制作,每天都拿老爸老妈的胃实验,终于小有成就。

现在每天的定单爆满,外卖都来不急送。今天外面下着雨,客户又在催促。

只好求老爸,老爸没办法只得冒雨前去,我在想要不要再创新点花样?????还能省个外卖费!


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那么问题来了,他们拜的谁?


骑着电动车去取钱,到银行发现没带锁,刚好银行门口停了辆运钞车,押运员站在那我就过去说:不好意思,我去取点钱很快就出来,麻烦你帮我看一下车子。 等我出来的时候押运员对我说:记住今天吧,有人拿枪为你守护电动车。


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皮过头了会出人命哦


中午,收到老婆微信转账五千二,特开心!!!

还没一分钟,她来电:老公,给我转回来,分十次转,我好发朋友圈!!

我……


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cos未来科技世界


免费算命 只需要带上自拍一张 帮你测测未来的女朋友是不是我 非常准


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耿直


我曾经也是有过梦想之人。

如今望着镜子里那满脸皱纹的自己,心中感慨万千:才三十出头,活出了五十多岁的感觉…

一个媳妇都招架不住,​当年是谁给我的勇气,让我幻想着三 妻 四 妾的生活…


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是我,没错


那年我们单位第一次让同组选小组长

我们组妹纸多,我买了很多雪花膏啊小零食啊,送给她们拉票。

她们都害羞地说:“一定会投给帅哥。”

稳了!

然而结果出来,我一票没得,另一个帅气的男同事当选……


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所以,你是在什么标尺位置?


妻妹最近住我家!这丫头青春靓丽,我总忍不住多看她两眼,为此没少挨媳妇骂…

那天看《封神榜》,妻妹打扫卫生,拿着拖把抬头问:姐夫,你喜欢里面的谁?

我想也不想地说:二郎神杨戬!

媳妇一听,忙从卫生间出来揪住我耳朵,怒道:咋滴,平时俩眼睛不够用,还想变三只眼儿一起看吗?

我……[诶~]


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兄弟,我只能帮你到这里了


昨个晌午,有个大爷来敲门,我一开门他就声明:“我不是要饭的,我儿子得病了,治不好的病,我现在背点香皂出来卖,超市卖4.8一个,我卖5块,多收两毛钱我给你明说了……”我一看他拿出来的香皂,闻味儿还真是正品,看着大爷热切的目光,我说好吧大爷,您看您还有多少香皂,我都要了,天这么热,您卖完快回家吧!大爷倒是个实诚人,一通推辞:“那不行,我还是多跑几家吧,你就是再胖,也消耗不了这么多香皂啊!”

香皂啊,皂啊,啊!


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逆天改命~

老天爷:你当我不存在啊?! ​​​


昨天晚上,我一个人给女友亲生!结果吹蜡烛的时候,也不知道是怎么搞的,竟然把她头发烧着了……捂脸

现在,她还赖床上不起来,我到处去给她买假发……捂脸[捂脸]


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这两个数字,谁不怕?


昨天下班后有事需要处理,给老婆电话说要晚点回家,时间不定,留点吃的给我就行!!

到家时已是凌晨一点,老婆搂着一岁的儿子在睡觉,桌上有一碗面,还冒着热气!!……

我很感动,肯定是老婆刚煮没多久的,此时此刻的心情不需要用言语来表达,干掉这碗面就是最好的感恩!!!

坐下来扒拉了猛的一口……

他娘的,面下面全是骨头,吃剩下的骨头!!


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领券抢购: https://u.jd.com/S4NGBK


今天买车,不知道使用说明书是电子版的,要登陆网站观看。于是质问销售说,哪有十几W的东西说明书都不给呢?估计当时语气不好,销售顶我一句:你娶媳妇时,丈母娘给你说明书了吗?噎的我白眼乱翻,一个人在风中凌乱……


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右边那位感谢非常诚恳


幼儿园大班的儿子今天放学回来跟我说:爸爸,咱家啥时建楼房、买小车啊?

我:等你大点该娶媳妇时就建新楼、买小车!对了,你怎么突然问这个问题?

儿子挠了挠头脸红的说:我今天在学校里被我班女同学亲 了一 口,她家建的新 楼房,还买的新 小车,你看咱家住的还是平房,骑的还是电瓶 车,结婚怎么配得上人家?不是都讲究门当户对吗?

我勒个去……


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水草让这棵光秃秃的树在镜像世界重生了~


去买推小孩的那种推车,进店后我围着样品转了一圈,指着一张遮阳棚拉下来的问道:这个多少钱,

老板看了一眼回了多少多少钱……

由于离家近又觉得回去自己装麻烦,还有个小心思就是他展示在外面的一定是质量最好的……

我付完钱推那张遮阳棚拉下来的就走,刚走出十来米远老板就在后面喊道:大哥,等一下,那张不卖,

我一下就开心了心想“尼玛,这张绝对是最好的,还特么想要回去、哈哈门都没有”于是我推着就跑,老板在后面拼命的追,

最终被他追上了,我刚想发火问他咋回事时里面居然爬出来一娃,还哇哇的哭着……


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正大光明的刷


儿子上幼儿园之后,只要老公在家,他都不让我去接送儿子,说我要照看小 百 货 店,还要做家务,太累,把我感动得不要不要的!

直到有一天,他没在家,我去送儿子。看到儿子他们那漂亮得让我嫉妒的班主任,我才有些明白了。。


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但是他不影响找对象啊


那年在广东一家工厂上班,工厂里一个县城的老乡很多。

腊月二十二那天,工厂放假。一个平时关系还不错、隔壁镇的女孩子,羞答答的找我帮忙,说被家里催婚,要我冒充她男朋友,应付一天,并承诺给我两百块。

当时我也是贪小便宜,答应了。下了火车直接去了她家。

没想到她父母是真急啊。吃过中饭后,她爸爸就领着我们赶到我家,我父母也是开心,双方一合计,婚礼就定在正月初八。

根本不听我解释啊。

几年过去了,当年那个说话羞答答的女孩子,已经成了一只凶巴巴的母老虎。

告诫年轻男孩子千万别像我一样,贪小便宜吃大 …


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原创文章,作者:Heresy,如若转载,请注明出处:https://here.sy/195.html
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